Age positive

It is the thing that strikes fear into most people, the thing we like to think will never happen to us.

No, not getting to the supermarket checkout and realising you forgot your purse or leaving the toilet with your skirt tucked into the back of your knickers! I am talking about old age, the thing that teenagers think happens when one hits 30.

If something awful doesn’t happen to us, it’s as inevitable as death and taxes, even if we get a nip and tuck or wear body-shaping undies. And as someone who feels pretty downbeat if she goes without action for a couple of weeks, I dread to reach the point when I’m too saggy/droopy/dry/knackered/haggard/generally clapped-out to get any ever again. I sometimes wonder if I’ve already reached that point…

On the other hand, I don’t want to be some toothless old crone gumming a doddery chap’s chemically induced hard-on. Then having to call home care to help me to my feet when my arthritis-riddled knees lock.

So when do we stop doing it? Not for a while if recent studies are to be believed. Apparently, STDs among over 50s have risen dramatically in recent years.  In a recent survey commissioned by Age UK a quarter of over 65s said their sex life hadn’t changed as they got older. And 8% were keen to pursue a new sexual relationship while 12% said they wanted to try new things with their partners. I also have a friend in her early 70s who still has sex with her partner, thanks to some ‘special cream’ she gets from the doctor to keep her lubricated – the main problem with women after the menopause.

It does worry me that women’s libidos seem to decline as they get older – without that, I am not sure I will still have a pulse, but maybe I need to plan future hobbies like crochet and embroidery. Men seem to keep going, as long as they can still get it up – something now helped along with modern medicine. But sexually active older men have a habit of chasing after much younger women, leaving us old biddies to fend for ourselves, read our knitting patterns or try our luck with a toy boy.

I also wonder what happens if you are living in a residential home and sexually active. Will staff respect your privacy and leave you to it, or will they treat you like a naughty teenager and ‘ground’ you – “No Countdown for a week, Mrs DSM and from now on you and Albert will not be in the same Scrabble team!”

I fear that it’s the latter, as people over 70 seem to be suddenly treated like they cannot think for themselves, even if they are compos mentis e.g. “Shall we get you out of bed now, Mrs Jones and how about we have a cup of tea?” The tone and language is the same I use with my two-year-old.

Maybe bonking Albert two doors down is the ultimate two fingers up to anyone who condescends and patronises like this.

5 thoughts on “Age positive

  1. Hey DSM – Just found your site and have to say not only is it both fun and amusing , its also bloody well written.
    At the moment I’m reading your back log and laughing out loud but this one is a little too close to home .
    Having just been headfucked by someone nearly 30 years my junior can I point out that its not usually us that do the chasing but the temptation is just too great when its presented to us by a flirtatious 30 something. At least they seem more adventurous than most older women who just want a man for the sake of having one and, like you, will at least be going into that home with some outrageous memories as they sit in the bath chair. Perhaps you had better take photos as a reminder in case oldtimers kicks in. You could even post them here 🙂
    Maybe an article on the attraction ( or otherwise) of older men would be interesting. I know we have thicker ones but apart from that.
    Wallets, I was talking about wallets 🙂

  2. Just found your site and found it highly amusing, witty and well written. Can’t understand why I can’t find more comments. Tried earlier and found it didn’t post and wondering if there’s a technical hitch you are unaware of.

    • Hi Lou,

      sorry for the late reply, I am currently on holiday with almost no digital signals of any kind. Both your comments are up, thanks for your kind words.

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