Get dry!

It’s the sexual equivalent of try before you buy, tasting the wine without swallowing it, or test driving a car.

But it’s also something largely done by teenagers, people in a rush or those thinking they are doing something naughty but discreet.

Yes, the dry hump has earned itself something of a seedy, adolescent and slightly naff reputation. But I am starting a campaign here and now to reinvent it as something we all celebrate. Yes, the dry hump is a worthy and perfectly acceptable activity for two consenting adults, whether they are 16 or 56. Go dry humping!

I had a recent re-acquaintance with this much-maligned activity, although, sadly at present, the only dry hump I’m likely to encounter is that on a camel at the zoo…
But zoo animal digression aside, the activity was far more enjoyable and hotter than I had remembered it (as a 15-year-old).

So, when to do it? You have just acquired a new gentleman or lady caller, you have kissed in every way possible, done as much clothes-on fondling as you can muster, but don’t want to hop straight into the sack; this one’s a bit special and you want more than a one night stand with them. But it would be interesting to find out what it might be like, without actually doing it.

So, the snogging gets even more urgent and teeth-clashing and suddenly you end up on the floor (in my case after having hastily shoved toy trains and lorries out of the way). He is on top of you and you both at the same time feel the urge to thrust forward your hips and are both extremely aroused. He pins you down on the floor, your hands above your head, kissing your neck, just down to the top of your cleavage and pushes his groin to yours slowly first, then rhythmically, and you feel his solid erection against you. Again this is another dry hump benefit – if you are resisting handling his member just yet, you at least, now, get a rough idea of size and length.

When your hands are free, you can also check out the quality of his butt and roll over, driving him insane with your thrusts and tantalising cleavage shots. In fact this is an opportunity to showcase your moves and give a ‘dress rehearsal’ of what they might expect, if they play their cards right. And if you are both turned on, it can be pretty explosive – and you haven’t even had to remove any clothing in the process – particularly good if you have body hang-ups and only prefer to disrobe in a red wine fuelled cloud of fuzziness.

This is why dry humping is so great and I encourage everyone to give it a go, with partners new or old, second or third dates, on the beach, at a bus stop, or even by the sink while you’re doing the dishes. But, there are some tips you should consider first:

  1. You both need to be in trousers – if one of you is in a skirt, it’s just too tempting to progress to the ‘wet hump’.  And I would strongly recommend jeans or tough fabric – the friction could be all too much for a linen or viscose number and may result in holes, even ignition…
  2. Not a good idea if either of you have a full bladder, unless you have a change of clothes.
  3. If you are really just going to go this far, make sure you both agree this or those damn jeans are just going to be flung off, anyway, and you may as well have not bothered in the first place. Also on this point, know when to stop, before it gets too hot to handle!
  4. It is fun, arousing, sexy and can be a laugh if you don’t take it too seriously.

So, readers, what are you waiting for? Try a dry hump this weekend – surprise your beau. Meanwhile, I will be checking the zoo opening times.